Find You

I saw you pass by
and I can’t help but smile
you melt the ice cream in my hand
and everything is hot as sand

oh, I don’t know for sure
but there is something in your eyes
that burst the bubble in the air
and melts my heart everywhere

I see the way you walk up stairs
every calculated steps and stares
you make my world turn around
and I just don’t care

oh, I don’t know for sure
but there is something in your smile
that makes me wonder why oh, why
you’re my angel and with that I’m fine

and so I hop and dance
and sing a tune
I sway and glide
like I’m on a tide
dance in the rhythm
at the beat of the drum
walk in the sand
like an Egyptian

oh, I don’t know for sure
but there is something in the way you are
a heaven-sent from up above
for me to find you and to love.

Hey Sister

Too much nonsense and I say adieu
to every night when I go blue
what to you is a moment gone
and there is nothing left to be done

hey sister what shall ye say?
Can you fill me up? I’m empty these days
just help me up and make me fine
from the poison of my lover’s wine

I beg not look into my eyes
or you’ll see dark rivers and body of lies
intoxicate me in thy euphoria
and blind me from my love’s aurora

hey sister, what do you say?
Can you fill the emptiness of me these days?
Just let me know, I’m ready to go
‘coz I’m stuck here and ready to blow

I dare you not trust my true intentions
just play with me so I won’t hurt your emotion
let’s enjoy the ride into oblivion
what happens to-morrow is mine’s obstruction

so sister what can you say?
Are we ready to go, are we ready to play?
All these is a game, I hope you’ll stay
let’s not talk about forever but live for today

forgive me from these gibberish talk
for lately I can’t seem to walk
now I live in mire and I feel so filthy
my lover’s gone, I’m feeling guilty

a fool I am, I made to myself
forgive me sister I can no longer hide from my shelf
this love has taught me much of how
now I can no longer love somehow.

Nais Ko

Habang nakupo sa aking opisina, ako’y napatitig sa bawat pag-ugoy ng mga sanga ng kahoy na umaayon sa hampas ng hangin. Isang karaniwang tanawin na pinganda ng bughaw ng langit sa kalagitnaan ng tag-araw. Tila isang larawan na kung mamarapatin ay nais kung ikwadro para muling mapagmasdan. Kaaya-aya. Maaliwalas. Nakakawala ng pagod. Napag-isip isip ko tuloy ng ang ating buhay ay tila isang serye ng mga larawan na pinag-ugnay unay. Bahagi na ng kasaysayan. Naluluma, napag-iiwanan pero ang sarap balik balikan. Kung maaari lamang na patigilin ang panahon kahit sandali man lang para langhapin ang sarap ng mga tawanan at kulitan ay aking hihilingin. Mga panahong kailangan kong matutong tumakbo ng mabilis para di mahabol ng mga nangungutong. Mga panahong kailangan kung gimising ng maaga para hindi mahuli sa eskwela. Mga panahong halos ang baon ko sa buong linggo ay itlog na iniba-iba lang ng pagluto ng aking ina – nilaga sa lunes, “scrambled sa martes, hinaluan ng ampalaya sa miyerkoles, “sunny side up” sa huwebes at nilagyan ng kamatis sa biyernes. O, hindi ka pa ba mababato dun? Pero dun ko nalaman kung pa’no mamuhay at magbigay halaga sa pinaghirapan. Mga panahong una akong umibig – ang saya ng ligawan at paggawa ng mga sulat pagmamahal. Kamusta na kaya siya? Baka may asawa na ngayon

Tulad ng isang pelikula, may mga bahagi sa ating buhay na kailangan nating tanggalin – hindi sa nais nating kalimutan, kundi dahil sa nais lamang nating mapaganda at maisa-ayos ang ating buhay sa pamamagitan ng mga aral na dulot nito. Di ito gaganda kung hindi dadaan sa masusing mga kamay ng editor. Mapanuring mga mata ng direktor. Kikilatisin at bubusisiin ng mga kritiko at manunuod. Aalamin kung makakapagbigay-aral ba sa ibang tao or isa lamang itong pelikulang walang kabuluhan at madaling malimutan.

Sa bawat paglipas ng panahon, ang bawat taon ay maituturing nating isang kabanata sa ating buhay. At ang bawat yugto ay may kanya-kanyang tema. Ang mahalaga ay kung nagampanan ba natin ang ating bahagi bilang pangunahing tauhan sa kwento. Naipakita ba natin sa bawat larawan – saya man o kalungkutan, pagdiriwang o pighati – na di lamang ito kanais-nais tingnan kung hindi makabuluhan din.

Sabi nila, malalaman mo raw kung anung klaseng tao ka at kung gaano kahalaga ang naging kontibusyon mo sa kapwa at sa kumunidad sa dami ng tao na nakikiramay at nakikipaglibing. Sa pagtatapos kaya ng kwento ng aking buhay, may mahabang prosisyon ng nakikiramay at nakikipaglibing ba akong makikita?

Anu man ang kahihinatnan sa huli, nais kong makita nila sa aking larawan, sa ibabaw man ng aking kabaong o nakasabit sa dingding, na ang buhay ko’y isang talambuhay na makabuluhang basahin at ulit-ulitin. Di man ito maisapelikula o magawan ng nobela.

When Life Sucks Sweet

Oftentimes, the world offers so much fun that in a blink of an eye it was gone. You wouldn’t notice it. Probably because we were so engrossed with the happiness it offers us or maybe because we really tend to enjoy the moment knowing that it is fleeting and thus taking the most out of it.

I’ve realized lately that one of my fears is losing someone. Romantically or not. The reason people look at me as mysterious or very secretive to the point that they call me “suplado” is because I seldom trust people. But when I do, I tend to establish an invisible thread among them and in so doing, I easily give in and open up everything about me (most of it). Once I establish this connection, it would be very hard for me to cut it, except when trust is broken. –or you can blame it to my temperament.

These past few days, I’ve been so yoked at being myself and enjoying much of it. And then, here comes people whom I’ve met before, loved and established connection with. Our paths crossed and just when I thought I was over everything, poof – there goes the beating… dub dub.. dub dub… dub dub… but what else can I do? It’s been over and done and there’s nothing I could do to probably win them back… how I wish they have a heart like mine that makes one stiff as a statue in the middle of a crowded mall when he sees his crush. – well, this is too shallow and cheesy – but mind you, it’s true.

On the other hand, I know that this fear of losing special people – I call them “special” because only a few of them really stands in that small circular region I call friends – would soon be overcome, but just the thought of the process of losing them is already quite hard. What else can I do? Either it’s because of some unavoidable circumstances, others because of priorities and most of them just because it’s over. The first two are understandable but the latter needs specific explanation as I may not be able to understand the silent treatment, sudden disappearances or just simply tell me that I’m thin, dumbass and ugly.

Also, I’ll be turning 28 this Friday and I’ve been thinking that I haven’t been productive at all. It feels like I’ve enjoyed much of my 6 years after graduation in college just enjoying the life of being single and now that I’m turning 28 I should be more mature and take on the ride of a life sentence – marriage. Well, I cannot deny the fact that I have my share of this fashion of flirting and “paniningalang pugad” and I must say they were true to my heart and what I feel but I still can’t imagine myself being married and do the responsibilities that goes with it. You must be thinking I would be a spinster which I WILL NEVER BE. The thought of having children thrills me, what would they be like, would they be as handsome and intelligent as me (coughing) or would they be as dumb and lazy as a sloth? I pray not. Please Lord. Hehe
But how am I suppose to go with it when I’m not yet ready to give up playing arcade and games and watching movies and travelling and blah blah blah… I guess I’m not ready yet. The pressure here and there – I’m like a pendulum tossed on one side to the other trying to please, maybe, others and I’m tired. Can’t have the both sides, otherwise I would go static and useless. The best thing would be to swing farther and break the elastic limit of the string that binds me from where I should be. Hmmm it simply means I’m not ready yet. And 28? I don’t feel like one hahaha. I’m not shy of my age but well I think that I don’t think and act like my age. I guess Freud and Skinner would be mad at me for not satisfying my childhood years.

Well, I guess all these rants are due to what I’m feeling now. The best of both worlds. Feeling like in a cloud nine for meeting and conversing with someone special – miss you like crazy LOL – and *sigh* feeling low for someone who strums my pain with his fingers if I may quote Toni Braxton. How do call that feeling?

Overture to Finale

I heard some claps
and sometimes boo
sometimes there’s nothing
it makes me woe

curtains wide open
lights are dimming
the place is in darkness
except for the spotlight

it’s watching

waiting

and draining

me.

I feel like laughing
I feel like crying
am I a jester?
or performer?

I had my recital
I had my versions
had been with the orchestra
and did my rendition

what more should I give?
any else to pretend?

please close the curtains
turn off the spotlight
it’s time for the backstage

please

no more limelight.

remove the mask
tear the dresses
let me scream
as the dawn

ceases.

I tried… :-)

my co-teacher asked me to design a cover for our souvenir program of our graduation this year… so here’s my try of it though not yet final as the Chinese characters are not yet included…

front cover… not yet well refined.. 😦

my alternate design… though my boss prefer the first one as it is formal… spent hours for this hahaha…

here’s how the back would look like without the Chinese characters yet…

basically this is just a draft… not yet final… any suggestions and advice as it is my first time to use Adobe… 🙂